I have a bad habit of questioning myself constantly. In the past couple years, the posts going around explaining the idea of “impostor syndrome” made me feel strange that other people were having these kinds of doubts about themselves. No, this can’t be true – it’s just me who feels like a fraud! All you other people are frauds about feeling like frauds.
After moving to Greenville, I continue to have this problem. Perhaps it’s even stronger now that my previous home and support network is so far away. It’s an entirely new community of stellar personalities and super smart people. I am simply in awe of some of the people I’ve met. They are all so confident and so driven. So clear on how they live their life and what their strengths and motivations are. I see Matthew Smith speaking so articulately and driving others to share experiences and continually learn. I see Chris Merritt rocking an amazing Grok conference, staying cool through any pressure. I work with Peter, Eric, Mason and John, watching them expand the vision of the Academy and changing lives while ensuring the culture they have created persists. I see people like Bryan Martin, Dodd Caldwell and Rob Wright working to make a big difference in the world with their talents. Plus so many other people I have met only briefly or have yet to meet, but just assume they are full of equal greatness based on the sampling to date.
What’s even more amazing is that they are all so transparent in their own fears and worries. Hearing Bryan talk about his doubts for Hunger Crunch. Witnessing Chris and Matthew share some painful personal memories on social media. Listening to CoWorkers be open about their ignorance or doubts at Zero Days.
The funny thing is that these moments are even more evidence of their super powers. For whatever reason, I can’t see that they have their own weaknesses. Somehow I’m surrounded by super people and I’m still just the fraud.
How do I fit in? I’m certainly among the older people in this circle – how are all these young punks kicking ass like this? What can I possibly offer to this group of creative, talented, successful people? Who am I to think I deserve to be among them?
My point is this: I’m realizing that I actually LOVE this feeling and should cherish it. Because if I’m not feeling like that, I’m working with the wrong group of people. I’m not putting myself in a community that challenges me to be better. Instead, I have a responsibility to do good work and help change peoples lives at the Academy, then throw some of my own personal projects on top of that, all while being the best dad and husband I can be.
Come to Greenville and doubt yourself with me. We’ll do great things.
