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I’m likely a horrible parent, if you ask the PTA

Tomorrow my daughter will be celebrating “5th grade day” at her school. It starts with awards ceremony and then lots of fun events the rest of the day. Each grade has one during this final week of class.

I realized this weekend that I’m expected to attend the entire time as an involved parent. We were happy to attend the awards session in the morning, but kind of amazed at the expectation of committing a whole day to lots of other events. I must have missed an earlier memo, but maybe not. Generally the parental involvement expectations seem to be driven more by the core team of volunteers who seem to live for this. I don’t doubt their sincerity or motivation, and thank them for spending so much time making sure the school has organized support, but sometimes they forget not everybody is able to divvy up their time the same way.

While we are lucky to be in situations that allow us to go ahead and attend this event, many parents are not able to easily take a full day off of work, and must weigh the option of potential negative consequences at work with the disappointment of a child comparing their parent to all the others. The same goes for all the school birthday party events and other class parties that seem to think everybody can easily just go spend money on a bucket of treats. However, we live in a community where that’s not entirely true. Just because it’s easy for me to go grab a big fruit salad at Publix for a class party does not mean other parents can just as easily make that happen.

The peer pressure of typical PTA-style organizing and fundraising is really where I start to turn off – once there is a sense that participation is mandatory for any given optional event, I want to just avoid it out of spite. I dislike any communications that focus on guilting parents into contributing. Anything that publicly lists the parents who are helping can be a potentially horrible message to the children of parents who aren’t able to do so. I have enough friends with kids who live paycheck to paycheck to know that it’s not always that easy – and time/money spent at school does not represent how much they love and attend to their kids at home. 

Just needed to rant a little…

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Music and memories


Recently while drinking some beers with friends, the topic of concerts came up and brought back a flood of memories tied to music. The combination of music and emotion in the past really makes the scenes more vivid, like a good soundtrack bringing a movie to life. From the stress of personally performing in front of a faceless judge to the joy of watching amazing talent, music has always played a part in my life. 

Making music

First of all, I am not afraid of being a band geek. From 6th grade until the end of high school, I was in orchestra and marching band. Bassoon was my primary instrument for symphony season. I did my duty and practiced daily, ultimately making all-state orchestra. I also did all the usual solo competitions, performing for judges who sat behind a partition and then provided feedback on a sheet of paper without revealing themselves. The discipline involved was right up my alley, giving me something to focus on when school wasn’t necessarily so fun. I think my fingers may remember Shostakovich Symphony No. 5 better than my brain.

When football season was underway, I would switch to percussion for marching band, starting with bass drums and moving up to quads. That was a lot of fun, essentially providing the equivalent of a slightly cool side to counter the very uncool months of bassoon. I quit bassoon when I went to college but kept playing drums and doing open mic nights. I even joined a band in rural Japan during my two years there, playing at random festivals to lots of kids and old people who had no idea what we were playing.

Enjoying music

There have been plenty of good shows through the years, but two stand out. The first is Reverend Horton Heat. We saw them at the Bottleneck in Lawrence, KS, and they were amazing. Not just because it was just such a frantic display of energy, but because they somehow channeled that energy into every person in the audience and kept everyone going for so long. And I swear they personally consumed all liquor in the entire bar but didn’t miss a beat. 

The other was Adrian Belew doing a small arts venue fundraiser in Tulsa, OK. I’m a big fan from his time with King Crimson but what inspired me most about this show was that these artists showed me that they were just cool people, and were willing to help out when a community requested their help. I specifically remember my friend Brad coming out the restroom saying ‘Oh my god, I just took a piss next to Tony Levin.’ There was no special treatment – just fans and artists hanging out. 

Future music

Now there is less concert going and music playing by me, but I continue to enjoy music’s impact through my kids. My daughter is now in her fourth year of playing and she is starting to really develop her skills. And my son seems to want to follow, but he has time to decide.

I’m curious to ask them 20 years from now what they remember from their childhood and how music played a part in strengthening those memories. I’m also wondering which artists might start the potential parent-child disagreements; I remember being scared that my mom wouldn’t appreciate Beastie Boys. 

What’s going to become my kids’ music of rebellion? What songs will inspire them in their lives and relationships? What artists and songs from my past will they enjoy as their own? Regardless, I hope to provide the means for them to appreciate music as much as I have, even if it means having to take someone to a boy band concert.

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Working hard or hardly working?


Recently I’ve had a few friends in the Seattle area ask me about my experiences at Microsoft and whether or not they should pursue potential opportunities there. 

Really I just have to tell them that I really enjoyed most of my time there, but I honestly hope that I will never have to go back to a giant company like that again. I’ve found peace in targeting work that is personally satisfying, surrounded by people who challenge me to be my best. That’s when I really find joy in work. 

I’ve been lucky to remain in the online/web market for over 14 years now, and have a variety of work experiences from big companies to startups during that time, both on the client side and the vendor side. And looking back on the different options, it has always been the smaller teams with bigger goals that have been most fulfilling, not the paychecks, brands or perks.

Big Company Life

When you are in huge corporation, your outlook is defined by your surrounding team. It’s definitely possible to have a more empowering experience if the organizational structure allows some independence. If you have a solid manager who protects you from the BS and lets you focus on real work, then you can find satisfaction. Learning and creativity are possible. 

However, you are still inside of a big game. You become optimized for success for that organization, not for life in general. You have to find allies and stay visible, since your manager can change quickly due to reorganized priorities or employee churn. You witness or participate in crazy decisions driven by budgeting schedules and egos, not rational business behavior. 

That’s not healthy. You forget how to interact with real people. You start to think your work matters much more than it really does. You forget your individual dreams and joys and submit to the greater corporate good.

Quitting your manager

Ok so I got a little carried away in that last paragraph. It’s not really that bad – like I said, you can have a kickass manager who keeps things light and makes your work life enjoyable. Someone who understands how to balance, and focuses on being an enabler for you versus a “manager.” I have some friends in Xbox who can’t believe they get paid for what they do.

I was very lucky in terms of managers. I had amazing mentors and champions, helping me be my best and contribute in my own way, not micromanaging – just letting me do my thing. My job moves were to take on new challenges, not to evade previous leaders.

Except for one. In 2009, I had the opposite experience. I returned to Microsoft from working for free at BigDoor because we were having our second child and I needed stability again. I joined the online marketing group again with many of the same people still around, feeling good about the being able to jump right back in.

Then they hired my new manager. Territorial. Abrasive. Inappropriate. Empire builder. Political. Backstabber. Manipulator. And you should hear the bad parts!

My mother had health issues the next spring, and I was traveling back and forth to Dallas to assist. I soon quit my job, not wanting to deal with the stress of both situations. Family comes first. Especially when your boss is someone you wake up hoping to avoid all day. Something like seven months for my second Microsoft stint. And what a wasted seven months it was.

Back to finding joy in work

I remember telling Keith “no” the first time he asked me to come back to BigDoor. They had just closed funding with Foundry Group. He wrote me a long email that basically said “That’s the wrong answer,” and proceeded to tell me why. I relented and ended up evolving into my perfect role as a startup product manager, driving our offering to support the needs of MLB, NFL, Dell, etc. 

And now I’m with The Iron Yard, in another atmosphere of crazy growth, helping people change their lives, expanding our code schools all over the US and helping add structure to another startup. It’s another opportunity to work with smart people who keep me on my toes. 

The fulfillment I have found at these startup experiences far surpasses any of the ups and downs of corporate life. 

So yes friends, you should go take one of those jobs and make some decent money for a while. But come back to me when you’re tired of being just a cog in the wheel and ready to create something. 

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a long story for Medium

I decided to take a story over to Medium for a new post, since I feel like the style and structure of the Medium tools works well for longer reads. Plus having the ability to get it into a collection of similar stories by other authors can be a fun change from the usual blog flow.

https://cleasto.medium.com/running-away-from-regis-d4254df4dd17

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The daily bus route

I drive my entire family everywhere. And most of the time, I really like it.

In the morning, it starts with dropping my daughter off at school around 7:45am, followed by my wife at work a bit after 8am and then my son at daycare by 8:15am or so depending on how grumpy he feels.

Then in the afternoon, the bus route reverses, targeting a smooth pickup and delivery home by 5:15pm or so. 

In total, that’s a decent chunk of time in the car with the entire family. On the morning route, we can coordinate any unusual schedules and remind each other of to-do items. On the evening route, we can catch up on the events of the day and transition into dinner time.

Of course there are exceptions thanks to kid activities and work-related functions, but generally it results in the papa bus making the rounds at custom times.

It may sound strange to some people, but I like the routine. It keeps things moving along nicely in our daily lives and we rarely have communication issues. A lot of potential stress is nullified.

Eventually my kids will get older and find ways to challenge the routine. But for now, I’m totally taking advantage of my bus route.